We will miss you “Pop” | Virginia Beach Photographer

• February 2nd, 2015 •

Steve “Pop” Voliva Sr. passed away this weekend. He’s a founding member of my church, Freedom Fellowship, and pretty much built the place. Our roof, our additions, the walls… Pop had a hand in all of it. He was such a kind and generous man and while I only knew Pop for about 8 years, it feels like so much more. His big bear hugs became something I, and so many others, cherished every Sunday.

He became known for his “spot” at the back of the church where he could watch over everything and hug everyone who walked in the doors. It’s how he became “Pop” as so many people over the years began to see him as a spiritual father. While we are rejoicing with you, Pop, because we know you are standing in heaven with Jesus, we also are so sad to say goodbye. It is too soon. You have lived a rich long life and touched SO MANY lives.

This photoshoot I did for you and Charlotte will long be remembered as one of my favorite sessions. The love you two shared is one to remember. You shared how marriage wasn’t always easy, but it was always worth it. To see you dote on Charlotte made my heart warm. To see her still look at you with eyes full of love, made me teary eyed. I will forever cherish these images and I pray they bring happiness to your family for years. These pictures I pray will encourage your family for generations to find love and never stop fighting for each other!

You will be so missed Pop. Freedom will not be the same without you… and we are SO much better because of you. Voliva family… my heart breaks for you. Thank you for sharing Pop with us. Our prayers are with you.

Thoughts from a white mother raising a black son as we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. | Personal

• January 20th, 2015 •

I have an amazing son. He is so sweet and sensitive. Of my three children, he is the most affectionate. We have a silly little kiss routine at night that includes about ten kisses and if one kiss gets placed in the wrong place on my face, we have to start over!

He’s sensitive to others’ needs. Without being asked he has befriended a young lady with Cerebral Palsy in his classroom. His teacher told me she doesn’t even have to ask anyone to help the her with getting her books, or clearing the aisle, or getting extra supplies; Messay does it every time, on his own.

He’s smart. He learned his math addition and subtraction facts without any help (thank God, because I hate math!) and is cruising along with his multiplication now! He’s a peacekeeper–which is super helpful as his older brother and sister fight constantly! He’s funny, and has the BEST laugh which we often compare to a hyena!

He’s also black. Which makes NO difference in how we love him, and really shouldn’t make a difference at all in how we raise him. But it does. There are conversations we will have with him that we won’t have with our other children. Conversations we, as his parents, have a responsibility to have, even though they are hard. Conversations we will ask his black Godparents to have with him, as we as white parents simply may not be able to fully comprehend and explain to him.

It’s Martin Luther King Jr. Day and I am SO blessed to be raising my son in this time frame and not in MLK Jr.’s time. Would we even have been allowed to adopt Messay back then? If we had, how different would raising our mixed race family have looked for all of us? It is something I ponder often, and in the end I often thank God for those like MLK Jr., Frederick Douglass, and Rosa Parks in times past. With their inspiration and leadership the mind of a nation was changed, and my family along with so many other multicultural families are allowed to exist.

But we aren’t a perfect nation yet. Hate still thrives in many hearts. Prejudice and stereotypes still exist. You only have to see how many hate crimes are still prosecuted, watch the KKK still march, and often prevail, and watch the evening news and hear yet another incident of racism causing injury or death to another. I hear about the killings of Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, Renisha McBride, Eric Garner and Michael Brown and cry because it’s horrible and sad and scary… but it is also a sad reality of the world we live in.

In our family, our church plays a large part in our life. Aside from work and school, we spend more time there than anywhere else. So we had to make sure it reflected our family. It is a multicultural, multi-generational church of believers (Freedom Fellowship; www.comegetfree.org) where our family doesn’t stand out because it looks like so many others! We have friends from so many different cultures. A larger get together at our home will showcase a melting pot of culture and ethnicity. We’ve worked hard to establish that. We want our children to grow up surrounded by love. To BE loved by people of many different backgrounds. To learn that skin color is not an indicator of a person’s character.

We are so happy to say that our kids haven’t seen much hate directed their way. Yes, we have had an incident or two here and there, but for the most part, my kids have only felt love and acceptance from the people around them. That will change. I cannot live in the world with my eyes closed to the ugliness that also lives in it. I must raise my children, especially Messay, to be prepared for it. I have a responsibility to make sure he knows how to carry himself and handle himself in a world where hate, racism, and ignorance still exists. I am blessed to be doing it with a network of people that help me.

As a white mother, I don’t always see the dangers before they appear. I don’t know how to prepare my son for situations that I have never had to experience. I remember a recent conversation I had with a good friend, Nikki, that really opened my eyes to this.

NNikki is African American and has a teenage son, Dnzel. He is a great kid who often works for me assisting on photoshoots. He’s funny, gets good grades, goes to church every week, stays out of trouble, and helps to care for his little brother and sister. He’s sixteen and is ready to drive, and is kinda obsessed with cars (like most sixteen-year-old boys!) Like most kids his age, he doesn’t wear a suit and tie, but instead prefers jeans and a hoodie. She told me about a recent incident she had with Dnzel that truly opened my eyes to the fact that I need to do MORE to make sure I am preparing my son for a future that very likely will include profiling.

Nikki and Dnzel were walking down the street together and he was wearing, yep, a hoodie and jeans. They walked by a nicer car and he stopped next to it to look at it. He bent down and looked in the window of the car, just checking out the interior. She had continued to walk, not realizing he had stopped, but when she did she quickly reprimanded him and told him he needed to keep walking and get away from the car. He asked why? “[He] was just looking at it.”

She explained that he is a young, black, male teenager. He is wearing a hoodie, and his face is hidden. To a passerby, he could very likely look like he was trying to steall the car. ALL HE WAS DOING WAS LOOKING AT A CAR!!! But she is right. In today’s age, many people would look at him and only see that… a young, black, male teenager, hiding his face, read to commit a crime. We have seen how quickly things escalate when someone is falsely accused of something; look at Trayvon Martin. A young, black teen walking home after buying candy and soda. We may never know what REALLY happened that day, but he ended up dead. Why? Because he was wearing a hoodie, was black, and got angry that someone accused him of something he didn’t do.

It opened my eyes. My son will soon face this same scrutiny! My sweet, sensitive, funny, smart, young man will face judgments on him SIMPLY because of how he looks. I have always known that, but until Nikki shared this story with me, I hadn’t realized how important for it was for me to start SEEING the dangers before they exist. To start SEEING behaviors he will do that will cause those who are ignorant to see him as a threat, a criminal, a menace.

Am I raising him to be prepared for that? Am I preparing him to handle these instances in a way that will allow him to stand up for himself without getting himself arrested, beat up or shot? Am I even ABLE, as a white mom, to guide him down this road?

If you know me, you know I tend to see the silver lining, the bright side, the very best in every one. When Messay was very young we had three black men confront my husband in an IHOP parking lot, angry at him for raising a black child. I had noticed them looking at us in the restaurant, but in my eyes I saw only mildly curious men interested in our colorful family. I had smiled at them many times while we were seated. I never once thought they were holding hatred towards us.

It’s hard for me to see the ugly of the world unless it is right in front of me. I tend to see the world through rose colored glasses. I guess I see the world I WISH we had rather than the one that is. And the world we live in still has so much hate, prejudice, and stereotypes.

And it is MY responsibility to make sure my black son is ready to live in that world.

It makes me realize how much easier it is to raise my white son than my black son. There are situations I will not have to discuss with Logan. Conversations that don’t apply to Logan, but may be life or death for Messay. I worry about both of my sons. I worry about them growing up into young men. I worry about them not looking both ways when crossing the street and getting hit by a car. I worry about them not doing well in school and not living up to their potential. I worry about them making bad decisions and making the wrong friends. I am a parent: I worry. But I am beginning to realize that with Logan, I have it easier. I don’t have to worry about Logan being profiled and shot simply because someone saw his clothes and skin color and made a decision of his character. I realize that with Messay, I have so much more to worry about.

Raising children is NOT easy, ever. Whatever color they are. There is no manual, and we’re going to make mistakes. And I am blessed and so thankful to raise my children today, instead of back in the civil rights era. I am thankful of how FAR we have come as a nation. I am thankful I have friends who will share with me and help me see the areas I must address with my black son that I don’t with my white. I am thankful for a church full of color and culture that love my family. I love that we can all live life TOGETHER and that when I need support, I have a great loving group of people that will stand beside me and help me.

Dr. King, thank you for your leadership and sacrifice. You helped change the heart of a nation. After you many more leaders took your place and began to help shape this great nation into a place where families like mine are able to thrive. And yes, after everything I said, we do thrive. There are A LOT of terrible stories in the world revolving around prejudice and hate. But there are also many many stories of love, redemption and success. I am so proud of how far we have come. Remember, I see the world through rose colored glasses, so I see the amazing progress we have made! We have a black PRESIDENT!!! No matter how you feel about him, it does show how far our nation has come. We aren’t perfect yet, but I do see so much progress, and I hope Dr. King is proud.

We still have a ways to go. And really, we can only start with ourselves. To love each other. To stand together to fight discrimination, prejudice and hate. To help each other raise our children of all colors. If you are a parent, talk with your kids. Parents raising white children: talk with your children about the issues black children face. Help them to see it so they don’t grow up and perpetuate it. Help them be the ones who stand along side their black friends defending them and stopping the cycle of hate. Teach them that white is not good, and black is not bad. Color and character have nothing to do with each other. Parents raising black children: talk with your kids about seeing and protecting themselves from discrimination, but also teach them that there is a lot of love in the world too. Show them how far our nation has come. Show them white doesn’t mean bad; that every white person out there ISN’T judging them. A select few, don’t make up the whole.

Sorry if this post rambled. There is just SO much to be said about Dr. King, racism, parenting, raising a multicultural family, and prejudices. I tried to put it into a cohesive post, but I am sure it rambled at times! I am just passionate about it. It is my life. Celebrating Dr. King is important to us as a family. We watch his speech “I Have a Dream” every January, and we discuss many of the things in this post. It’s important for us to remember where our nation began and the struggles we went through. It’s important to remember the past and the mistakes we made, so we can learn from them. I hope you will also watch the video with your family.

Click here to watch Dr. King’s I HAVE A DREAM speech

I love the line in Dr. King’s speech where it says, “I have a dream that little black boys and little black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.” I love it because it’s a picture of my family, literally. I love my life, my country, and my family. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than it was. If we join together, work together, TALK, SHARE, and help each other we can continue the fight to make Dr. King’s Dream a reality. And someday, a white mother raising a white son and a black son in the same household will not notice any difference in how she raises them. I pray that day isn’t too far away.

Rick and Diana Hocker: 25 Year Celebration

• September 24th, 2014 •

In case, you haven’t heard me say it before, I love my church, Freedom Fellowship!!! Our pastors and leaders, Rick and Diana Hocker, are a big reason why. They have been our Senior Pastors for TWENTY FIVE YEARS!

I have been a member of Freedom for almost eight years, the entire time we have lived in Virginia Beach. When we adopted our son Messay, from Ethiopia, Pastor Rick and Freedom rallied behind us and helped us raise the thousands of dollars we needed to bring him home. When my marriage was failing, Pastor Rick and Diana were instrumental in supporting us and helping us get back on track. When finances were tough, the amazing food pantry at Freedom allowed to know our family wouldn’t go hungry. My children learn about God at home, but on Sundays they also find out God isn’t BORING and they can have FUN during worship and in learning about Him. Freedom is a big a part of our lives and school and work. It’s home.

We have Rick and Diana to thank for the amazing church Freedom Fellowship has become. I could go on and on about how they have impacted our life and I know about 600 other people who could do the same. We love our church and for the past 25 years, Rick and Diana have led us. They have sacrificed and shared so much of themselves. They are a wonderful example of Pastoral love and we are so blessed to have them STILL serving, sacrificing and loving us.

I was honored and blessed to attend their 25 year Service Celebration this past weekend. So many came out to celebrate and share. We laughed at some of the old stories and pictures, we reminisced about the “way things used to be” and we talked about the amazing vision God has for our future. Thank you Rick and Diana for your quarter of a century of service. I hope to photograph the 50th anniversary as well! Here are a few highlights from the evening. If you want to see to see all the images from the night, just click on this link, http://devonshanorphotography.smugmug.com/Freedom-Fellowship-1/25-Year-Celebration .

Years ago, Pastor had a silver front tooth… Eddie and Curtis wanted to make sure we remembered that all evening! 🙂

We were so blessed to have Rick’s Dad, Marvin Hocker speak and share some stories about Rick growing up!

So many amazing speakers sharing how Rick and Diana have impacted ministries and people all over the world! happy_156 happy_149

Kids Felicia and Loren, and grandson Malachi, couldn’t be there, but they still sent their love! happy_148

A scare and a life lesson | Personal

• September 17th, 2014 •

Life sure isn’t boring around here! No matter how much I wish “normal” was a part of my life, God just has other plans!

Last month I had one of the most terrifying moments in my life happen. Something I NEVER thought would ever happen to me happened. I was at my bank when it was robbed at GUNPOINT! No, I am not making that up. I was casually talking to my teller when she froze as she looked over my shoulders and mumbled “not today” as she immediately locked her drawer and (I assume) pushed an alarm under her counter.

I am kinda naive about things so even when I turned and saw the masked man, I didn’t realize, right away, what was going on. No, it wasn’t until I saw the gun as he jumped up on the counter, did I realize he was robbing the bank!! I am not sure how other people would react in this situation (because believe me, what you THINK you would do and what you really would do, are two different things!) but I froze. As he stood up on the counter and held the gun at one of the tellers, I simply froze and waited for him to tell us what to do. I wanted direction! Do I get on the ground? Run? Cower? Give him my purse? Scream? I needed some direction as I simply stood there in disbelief that this was actually happening.

The older ladies around me needed no direction… they ran! Yep- they just booked it right out of the building. I waited a moment or two and when no gunshot or “Freeze, don’t move” was heard, I realized he was allowing them to leave and ran myself.

This happened on a Saturday morning in broad daylight at a prominent bank in a good area.

Things I realized that day…

1. I make a terrible witness!!! I watched the guy leave the building (as I hid in my car on hold with 911) and get in his car and I still couldn’t tell the police what model car or exact clothing he was wearing. (Yes, my Marine husband teased me about that later. He would have figured out the guys shoe size with his skills of observation!) I was just hoping he didn’t see me and shoot me! I was the only one to see him leave, and even the police officer teased me about being a “key witness” who knew very little!

2. There is no such thing as a “safe place” anymore. If people get desperate, even the nicest neighborhood/businesses can be where terrible things happen. We need to remember this and always be prepared and aware of our surroundings. Sadly, more and more people are seeing the line between “right and wrong” disappear… where if it’s RIGHT for you, then it’s not really that wrong. It’s making living in our world a scary place at times. We don’t need to live in fear, but we do need to be aware of our surroundings.

After the bank robbery, my family and I had many talks about “what to do when…” so my children would know when to run, when to fight back, when to get involved and when to get away. We talked about abductions, robberies, fights, hitchhiking and more. I PRAY nothing like that happens to them (or me!) ever (or again) but in the event it does, I want them to know how to best protect themselves!

3. I have never thanked God so much for a “professional thief” before. As I talked with the police and the other witnesses after the fact, we were all amazed at how calm, cool and collected this man was. He didn’t yell, didn’t get upset when we ran out of the building, didn’t act erratically, etc. The police said he was most likely a professional. While that may make it harder for the police to find him and the bank to gets it’s money back, it made ME so thankful. We all made it out safely and no one was hurt. I am thankful for his calm demeanor. We all, including him, walked away that day uninjured and to me, that is more important than the money he stole.

4. Life can be going along “as normal” and BAM it can change in an instant. So much could have gone wrong that day. I could have been shot. I could have had my kids with me and they could have been injured or emotionally scarred. My life COULD have drastically changed that day. That morning MIGHT have been the last time I had ever kissed my husband or children. Our “normal” average life, could have instantly changed without any notice at all.

It made me think my kids and what life without “mom” would look like. Had I hugged them enough, kissed them enough, tucked them in enough, read to them enough? Was I the BEST parent I could be? Would the love and tenderness outlive in their memories over the discipline and yelling? Had they seen me laugh enough? I am so thankful God allowed me to walk away from that scary situation, but the fact remains that no one truly knows how much time you have left.

My profession, photography takes moments and freezes them in time. It is part of why I love so much what I do. It takes the people you love and FREEZES them forever. So that people for generations to come can remember and even get to know, people they love. I hear people all the time talk about the pictures they have of their loved ones.

“I love seeing this image, it reminds me of how much she loved to laugh!”
“She always made this face when she cried!”
“He loved this red shirt so much!”
“Can’t you see how much the baby looks like grandpa in this picture?”
“This was the last time we were all together. Remember how happy grandma was?”

It makes me so sad when people give excuses for not taking family portraits. Yes, we all wish we were a little thinner or less wrinkled or less grey or more photogenic… but YOU are beautiful to your husband or wife, your kids, your future grandkids. Don’t shy away from the camera, embrace it. If, God forbid, you don’t have many tomorrow’s left… don’t you want to leave your loved ones pictures of you smiling and happy? I recently talked to a young man whose mom passed away when he was a child. He has ONE picture of her. ONE. His mental memories of her are there, but he sometimes struggles to remember her smile, her laugh, her hair. Imagine if she had left behind hundreds of pictures. All different smiles… many different captures of her laughing… lots of images to remember and see her beautiful blond hair. His memories of her would be so much more alive and vibrant.

I don’t say all this to drum up business… come to me or go somewhere else. But, please, take portraits with your family. And not always the posed smile at the camera portraits. Interact with your kids, laugh, be silly, show your laugh lines and grey hair. Be you in front of the camera. If you are married, show the love between you and your spouse. Kiss in front of the camera, be silly, LAUGH together. Create some memories not only to be stored in your brain but also be be stored and cherished and HELD in physical form. A picture truly can freeze a moment and capture it forever. It’s a lesson even I had to learn. I take pictures of my kids all the time, but it’s rare for me to take pictures WITH them. After this robbery scare, I asked myself when the last time I had been photographed with my kids. Thankfully, this summer we took some family portraits at the beach during a mini family reunion. I was so thankful because the one prior to that was a few years ago.

The lessons I learned during and after this robbery, are ones we should all remember and work to live out everyday. Make sure you hug more, yell less, say I love you often and worry less about the small things. Hopefully we all live to be 100, but in the event we don’t, make sure you leave behind a life without regrets and lots of happy memories for the ones who love you!

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Back To School | Family Photographer Virginia Beach

• September 2nd, 2014 •

Every Year, I take my kids to a park to do some back to school portraits. I do it BEFORE the first day of school, because I am always WAY too busy the first day to remember to grab my camera. We’re too busy figuring out that morning routine and getting everyone off to school without having to worry about mom, the photographer, trying to coax out natural looking smiles! I always open up these back to school portraits to my clients as well and this year we had two families join us! Thanks to all who came out and I pray for a GREAT year of learning and friendships for everyone heading back to school!

(If you missed out on Back to School portraits but would like to do something similar- just let me know, we can schedule a session just for your munchkins too!)

Visiting Family | Personal

• August 19th, 2014 •

I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Ohio visiting my family. We visited five different sets of grandparents and great grandparents!!! It was a whirlwind trip! I don’t get to spend enough time with any of my family but when I realized it has been almost THREE years since I have visited with my maternal grandparents, I knew I needed to make trip home. My grandfather just had his knee reconstructed and my grandmother has been suffering from dementia for years. Every time in the past I have visited, she has been having a “good” day, but I know that dementia is slowly stealing her from us and I really wanted to spend some time making some new memories with her!

I am so thankful that once again, we visited while she was having a “good” day. We laughed and had so much fun. We had a great time there, even got stuck out on the lake when the motor died on the pontoon boat! My grandmother was having a GREAT day; we had some wonderful conversation and made some wonderful memories. She didn’t get confused or upset once during our visit! She so enjoyed her great grandchildren and I loved watching them together. I pulled out my camera to capture some portraits before we left. They were casual and not planned (note the lack of matching clothing, makeup, etc) but it was more about capturing the love we share with eachother and not the “perfect” portrait. I am so glad to have these images and will cherish them forever!

Carving out Family time: Camping | Personal

• June 23rd, 2014 •

Every year my family takes a camping trip the week school lets out. It’s a “Welcome to Summer” “School’s out” “Time to de-stress” “Let’s reconnect” time that we look forward to all year! We’ve been doing this for years, and I think we’ve found our favorite place in Pennsylvania: The River’s Edge in Connellsville. It has lots to do right on the campground (pool, fishing, bike riding, kayaking and tubing) but the mountains with waterfalls, hiking tails and natural waterslides are just miles away. This year was our second time at this camp ground, but I think it’ll be “our” place from now on.

I have so been looking forward to our trip. With Brett finishing school, Olivia becoming a teenager, Logan finishing middle school, Messay growing up and becoming less and less my “baby”, and me working nonstop… we’ve needed this time to reconnect! We were all a bit stressed and disconnected. We NEEDED time to laugh with eachother, away from the TV, the computer, the e-mails and phones. Sadly, Brett couldn’t join us for the whole trip- he still has the state boards to pass and a week of vacation just wasn’t possible. So my mom and my two nieces joined us and I also allowed Logan and Messay to bring a mutual friend, Nico. (He was such a great addition to our group!!!)

Yes, you counted right, that’s six kids and 2 adults (three when Brett arrived) which to some may sounds like a nightmare and not a vacation! But to me it was fun chaos… the three girls and three boys split well when some wanted to fish and others wanted to go swimming. Sometimes three is a bad number… but for this group they did a pretty good job of getting along (six kids of course means there was occasional whining and fighting, but hey, I have learned to tune it out!)

As busy working parents, it so important to take time out to enjoy your family. Yes, I know the tasks seem never ending (my e-mail currently has over 100 messages unread!) and you feel you CAN’T take a break. But I have learned, if you put it on hold- yes, it means the week you get back might be a bit more hectic than normal, but it WILL GET DONE and your business won’t implode without you working it for a week! Take your calendar and pencil in REAL family time!!

Be prepared, you WILL feel stressed before you go… trying to get it all done. Cleaning the house, packing everything, doing your checklists, preparing your businesses or jobs to work without y four a week… it’ll feel stressful and choatic! But just remember you will also be creating memories that will last FOREVER! We have some awesome “inside jokes” from our past few years of camping, that always make us crack up when we recall them around the campfire! Memories that would never have come from the family time we carve out in between work, school, wrestling and soccer practice, dinner and environmental club! We needed sole family time devoted just to having fun.

I hope you have planned some time this summer to do just that! Go camping, go stay a weekend at an inexpensive hotel with a pool, go visit family… schedule some time to do something DIFFERENT! Honestly, your kids won’t care if it isn’t “5 star” or expensive, they’ll just care if you’re involved and present! Put away the phones, computers, televisions and e-mails.

I LOVE that we had horrible reception at our campsite…. it meant even if I wanted to check my messages or e-mail, I couldn’t! I had no choice! Instead, I swam more, fished more, hiked more and spent MORE time with my awesome family creating memories. Memories that hopefully will be carved into my kids brains, so that as adults, they remember them over the stressed out mom in front of the computer, yelling at them to do homework or clean their rooms!

Here are some of my images from my trip… taken with my cheap Canon point and shoot camera. Yep, I told you I left work at home… which means my big cameras stayed home too. So yeah, some of the pictures aren’t that great. I decided NOT to be a photographer on this trip.. to just be mom! 🙂 So enjoy some of my memories of our trip… and then let me know what YOU are going to do this summer to plan some “reconnection time?”

Nico and Logan put up our tents all by themselves! They did get frustrated at times and tried to quit, but they finally did it ALL BY THEMSELVES!!!

Visiting “Cucumber Falls” and the natural waterslides. This was a favorite… we went back three times! 🙂

I can’t believe we didn’t take more pictures of these AH-MAY-ZING fried pickles we found in this random town called “Normalville” that was on our way to the falls. We got 4-5 orders everytime we stopped… I think it ended up being around 18 orders!!! We got them a few times last year and they became a “I can’t wait to find that little place again with the fried pickles!” YUMMMM!!!!

While the girls swam, the boys went on a peddle cart ride. These little bikes could MOVE! We road on the Youghiogheny River Bike Trail for awhile (I road my bike) that runs right through our camp site.

Dive in Night!!!! We love that there is a drive in right by the campground and we had such a great time this year seeing “How to Train Your Dragon 2” on the big screen. And to make SURE we didn’t forget this evening, my car battery decided to die and we had to get it jumped by the attendants!! Oh, the memories! 🙂

Another favorite is the zipline course. I did it last year, but this year decided to take pictures instead! My kids are so fearless! 🙂

After all that hiking and ziplining, the kids enjoyed sifting for arrowheads and gems. What great finds!

More of the Youghiogheny River! Someday maybe we will white water raft it!!

The natural waterfalls were a blast! No man made waterfall here, this is God’s playground! We let Logan go down the BIG one, but after he almost went over a waterfall, I nixed that idea! (Hey, at least I had him wear a helmet!!) They had so much fun in the river, jumping off the rocks and sliding down the mini waterfalls. I thought after seeing a snake enjoy the waterfall with them, the kids would run screaming from the water, but they just let him pass and went back to playing!! (They are braver than me!)

Back to Cucumber Falls to show it to Dad!

Most nights I left the camera in the tent, but on our last night, we got some campfire pictures!

Brett and I celebrated 14 years of marriage this week. We are going to go out sometimes this week to truly celebrate, but I LOVED the roses he brought me! Even after all the heat and two thunderstorms, they still looked and smelled amazing. Love you honey. These pictures of our family remind me why we work so hard… at life and in our marriage. It is so worth it to continue to make these memories with you. I love our life and I love that I get to spend it with you! 🙂

Personal: Lessons of Faithful Living

• June 10th, 2014 •

It’s June! Which means two things for this family… Fathers Day and GRADUATION for my husband!!!!!

Yes, I am SOOOOOOOO (yes I that that is a lot of o’s!) excited to announce that my husband is officially a GRADUATE and a Registered Nurse!!!! I am SO proud of him and the long journey to get here!

Today I want to talk about goals and changing your life. So many times we say we aren’t happy or fulfilled in our life, our jobs, our relationships… and, we feel there is not a way to change that. You feel “stuck” and frustrated in that place because the only way to get “unstuck” just doesn’t seem possible. For Brett and I, we lived “stuck” for WAY to many years!

Brett LOVED being a Marine. The camaraderie, the “brotherhood,” the travel, the hard workouts, the striving for excellence… he loved it all. Then, he had a family and the travel, the separation, the risk and danger and saying goodbye to fallen comrades all became too much. He decided to leave the Marine Corps after 10 years and try a new road. However, without a college degree it is difficult to forge a new path in life when your talents are best suited for warfare. Our plan was to leave the military world altogether and find a new path where friends dying and learning better ways to kill your enemy weren’t a part of his job description. BUT we felt “stuck” as I was a stay-at-home mom and he was the only one providing for our family.

He took jobs over the next 9 years working for the military as an intelligence instructor. It was hard. Brett suffered issues related to his own trauma and the guilt he felt teaching young men who ended up going over seas only to die in war. People would often stop and thank him for his service, call him a “hero”, but he simply wanted to “change his stars” and do a job where he felt GOOD about what he had done that day. He wanted to help people. BUT HOW? As a contractor, he was making a very nice living, but after Messay’s adoption and a horrible real estate investment, we had zero savings.

If Brett went to school, how would we survive financially? Four years ago I started this amazing business that I love, but if you know anything about owning your own business… it often takes a few years before you “break even” and start making any money! (The first two years of business EVERY dollar I earned went right back into the business!)

Our marriage was struggling. He was depressed and unhappy. I was feeling neglected and overwhelmed. We wanted to make so many changes but how???

I know you’ve been there! I talked with so many of you who have told me your struggles: how you want a new job but are afraid to walk away from the one you have; you want to go back to school, but what about the two kids you support; you want to change your relationship, but how will you ever fit in marriage counseling or break up with your emotionally abusive boyfriend who helps pay your bills… Simply, you feel “stuck” and have no idea how to get out!

Let me tell you that you CAN DO IT!! And let me also tell you it won’t be easy! It’s hard work… but often the most difficult work is simply making the DECISION to change your life: to go back to school, to quit your job and walk on faith, to set up the marriage counseling… Living out that decision is not quite as difficult.

Brett and I sought help from some amazing counselors for our marriage. We actually separated for a while so Brett could deal with some of the symptoms he was having related to PTSD. It was a difficult time for us both. My business suffered as I emotionally dealt with a separation, a hurting husband, hurting children and a damaged heart. But God got us through, we all did the work and we came back together stronger.

**And then we lived happily ever after. NO… not quite!!! Life isn’t a fairy tale… it’s hard work!**

We felt like we had done enough change for awhile; we were ready for some “normal” and quiet. But God hadother plans! After Brett’s diagnosis and recovery, he had trouble finding work. We lived off unemployment for awhile and I began to push my business as hard as I could. But it still wasn’t enough. (Thank God for wonderful parents who helped us on the tough months just to pay the basic bills!)

In November of 2012, Brett enrolled in MCI to get his RN degree. At the time, we weren’t making enough pay our bills; tuition was $48,000, my business was about to hit it’s VERY slow time (Jan-March), unemployment was about to run out, and we didn’t have healthcare. Brett heading back to school seemed like a great way for him to change his life, but HOW were we ever going to financially make it though the 18-month school?

We decided to walk on faith. God had just healed a marriage that few thought would be able to survive and He was going to help us though the next year and a half.

And here we are landing on the other side. My husband is a GRADUATE! He’s a nurse!!! My business is flourishing and we made it! I learned so very much; here’s the top 10 lessons:

1. Asking for help isn’t something to be ashamed of! People were inspired by what we were doing and often wanted to help! But we had to ask! Sometimes you need to suck up your pride and ASK someone to help you repair your car, cook you a meal or help with carpool! (Remember though, if you ASK for help, you should also make sure you GIVE help, when you can!)

2. Kids are just as happy playing with a found tennis ball as they are with all the newest expensive toys! My kids learned that for awhile, we wouldn’t be able to afford the same gadgets their friends owned. Yes, I have a happy teenager and NO she does not have an IPAD, an IPOD, or a phone.

3. If you communicate with your kids about your financial situation, they will understand! We’ve had lots of discussions in this house about “The Budget” and how we could and could not spend our money while Daddy was in school! Now, they are kids so they will still ask, “Can I get…”, “Can we go to…”, etc. But with lots of communication on “The Budget” before hand, the whining did not last long!

4. Going to a “Food Pantry” is a blessing! Yes, the first time we went, I was slightly embarrassed… until I got in line and realized that on the whole, we’re all in the same boat: hard working men, women and families just needing a little help to get through the month!

5. Discover all the “Kids eat FREE” places in Virginia Beach! We didn’t eat out much this year, but when we did it was almost always a deal!!! Our favorite place was Qdoba in Hilltop where kids eat free on Sundays. Practically every Sunday after church you’d find us there! We could feed our whole family for $20!!

6. If your marriage is strong, you can get through anything!!! Sure, there were times we were more like roommates or ships passing in the night. Just seeing enough of each other to ask how the other was doing and to check on the kids… but since our marriage was strong… we could handle it!

7. My husband is SMART!!!! Wow, do nurses have to know ALOT of information! I didn’t know that before and I know I could never have done this program. So proud of my smarty-pants-hubby for pushing through, getting 2-4 hrs of sleep on average and passing ALL his classes!

8. Prayer works. We asked God to get us through this time and he did! We didn’t pray together EVERY night but we tried. The kids prayed for us, we prayed as a family and we prayed for each other. My business grew, Brett passed his classes, the bills got paid and we MADE IT!

9. I have the BEST clients! A HUGE part of us getting through this year was because of you and your referrals!

10. Faith, Hope and Love. Life’s difficulties can be overcome by these three things! Have Faith God will provide. Hope and believe that the future CAN change… even when it feels in the moment like it can’t. And love. Love at all times. Understand that love isn’t always hugs and kisses, sometimes it’s tough and sometimes it means sticking it out when you don’t even like the other person… but love can overcome all. Learn how to love each other in the tough times and in the good times it will be even stronger and more deep. God says “Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” So obviously, Love is pretty important. I can attest that loving someone through really tough times is HARD but I can also attest that being loved during your tough times is so wonderful. And that the love you have AFTER the tough times is so much stronger, deeper and cherished!

I share all this not to gloat! I share it to encourage you. My marriage was over, my husband was lost, we were about to get kicked off unemployment, we had no health care, we hated the house we were $80K upside down in… we were STUCK. Going to school felt impossible, changing our life felt impossible. But we prayed, we unified together and we took a leap.

YOU CAN DO IT TOO! Even if it seems impossible, it isn’t. If you are unhappy, you CAN do something about it! It is HARD work, but in the end, it’s totally worth it. To see it in action check out these pictures… For those that know my family well… you know Brett doesn’t smile much for pictures and for a few years didn’t smile much AT ALL… but take a look at this… my husband SMILING on his graduation day! 🙂

A Mommy M.O.M.E.N.T. | Personal

• May 21st, 2014 •

Have you seen the movie “Mom’s Night Out”? If not, I highly recommend it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnU5jToJQBE

It did get me thinking though. There is one scene where the main character talks about having “Mommy Moments” and no, she isn’t talking about the early morning kisses or the snuggles during their bedtime story. She’s talking about the moments we completely LOSE it because we’re stressed and overwhelmed and the “Mommy, can you..” “Mommy, I need…” “Mommy, he hit me…” “Mommy, when are you…” and “Mommy… Mommy… MOMMY!” …all become just too much! We all have those moments! And, like Sarah Drew in the movie, I beat myself up so badly for having them!

I am officially the mom of a teenager! Olivia just turned thirteen and I am SO very proud of the woman she is becoming. She is one of the kindest people I know and her heart is so big that she can’t decide if she wants to be a missionary, a doctor, a farmer or a veterinarian! However, she is also a teenager with hormones and a 10 second attention span! She and I butt heads often and this weekend I had multiple “Mommy Moments” as we butted heads more than once.

I am a kind person. I love to help people. I try hard not to judge and I work hard to be honest all the time. I love my family more than I can imagine. But I am far from perfect. Sadly, my kids usually see the very worst side of me. I hardly ever raise my voice to people and I despise confrontation. Yet, with my kids, I don’t think twice about yelling and lately, it seems confrontation is a daily thing between Olivia and I! I have had some pretty ugly “Mommy Moments” and I beat myself up for them daily.

I love my kids so very much, yet they see a side of me NO ONE else does! I guess the overwhelmed Mom working so hard (to raise them right, while running a business, while supporting a husband in school, while keeping the house clean and bellies fed, etc.) just hits her breaking point and has that ugly “moment”. Growing up, my dad was a “yeller” and no matter how much I try to be different, when I get upset, overwhelmed and stressed, I revert to what I knew growing up. I hate it when I get so upset about chores, messy rooms, homework, grades or sibling rivalry that I loose my cool and start yelling. However, I try hard to be honest with my munchkins! I repent, I apologize and tell them Mommy is sorry she got so upset. I talk about what got me so upset and how I SHOULD have acted and how they could have acted better as well.

I’m not perfect. I beat myself up all the time. Am I raising kids in fear? Do my kids know that “stressed out mommy” isn’t who I want to be? That fun, happy care-free mom is there for them ALWAYS and that stressed mom is just as human as they are. Ugh…Being a mom is HARD!

I wanted to be a mom SO BAD and was so excited to get pregnant almost as soon as we said “I do”! But being a mom of a teenager, a tween and an eight year old is HARD! They talk back! They fight! They don’t do their homework! They NEEEEEED stuff all the time and they all need to be somewhere else at the exact same time! It’s hard. Being a wife is hard, being a business owner is hard. LIFE is hard.

Moms, we need to give ourselves a break!!! If you are like me, you beat yourself up for your “Mommy Moments” and you can’t! I can’t! I need to have a little grace for myself, as I know God gives me SO much!

We need to stop comparing ourselves to others. I can guarantee that the “perfect” mom you think you see at church, at your playgroups, at the playground or at your job has her “Moments” too. She looses it. She yells, she hides from the kids, she has loads of laundry she didn’t do, etc. She’s not perfect.

I’m an open book. I actually laugh out loud when people say things like “but your marriage is so perfect” or “You seem like the best mom” because my life isn’t perfect! My husband and I have been to hell (and back!) but we push through the hard times. I currently am looking at a HUGE pile of clothes that AREN’T going to get washed tonight and I have photography equipment and props strewn EVERYWHERE around my office. The “perfect” mom does not exist so why do we try so hard to emulate her?

Watch the movie! Have some laughs and in the end, remember that God gave your munchkins to you. He knows your mistakes, your downfalls, your weaknesses; He knows we won’t be perfect mothers… but we are the perfect mother for OUR kids. God does not make mistakes and he gave your munchkins to YOU! There is grace and forgiveness for when we mess up. And we will! This funny Hollywood movie helped remind me that I can have my “moments” and they don’t make me a bad mother. They make me human.

So, when you have your “Mommy Moment,” don’t stress out. We all do! And if you meet someone who says she doesn’t, you can de-friend her… she’s a liar and you don’t need liars in your corner! 🙂

Resurrection 5K Run | Virginia Beach Photographer

• April 20th, 2014 •

It was a cold and dreary day… but that didn’t stop us from celebrating the Resurrection! Each year my church, Freedom Fellowship, puts on a 5K race and one mile Fun run to celebrate the Resurrection and to help bring awareness and funding to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. We have many members in our church who suffer from MS, one of them being our run organizer Tom Hicks. He’s a pretty awesome guy… kinda a superman who runs marathons and cooks for heads of state… all while battling MS.

So yes, it was raining, and yes it was cold. But it was for a great cause that we all came out! We had a great time and I am so glad to have been a part again this year. I wrapped up my camera in a plastic bag and got my cheering voice ready! My son Logan ran the 5K this year and placed 4th in his age group! My son Messay ran the One mile Fun Run and WON! (Well- they didn’t really have places for this fun run- so he might have gotten second, but I’m a proud mom and it was neck and neck so as a mom- I get to say he won!) My daughter Olivia also ran the one mile and she came in third (I think.) They all did great and it was so awesome to see everyone celebrating and running with smiles, despite the yucky weather!

Check out some of my favorite images here and then, keep scrolling to the bottom to see where you can view and download images from the race!

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To view all the images from Race Day, simple visit the Resurrection 5K gallery here!

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Thanks again all to came out, Tom for organizing and Freedom Fellowship for supporting such a great event. Happy Easter!

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